Friday, January 11, 2013

I finally did it.

Last night I finally did it. I opened the bottom drawer of the cabinet in the front hall way. I pulled out a box that I had carefully stashed away and I opened it up.
Photo: This is the cast of Piney's "ugly" foot they made for me the day I lost him. I finally took it out of the box to look at it...
This is the cast of Piney's foot that the vet techs made me. I made sure that they got his bad foot, the one that flared out and was always a pain in the ass to deal with.
I then went back and pulled out the little white bag, and sobbed when the smell hit me.
Photo: And here is his tail and mane....
His forlock and tail. I forgot how red his forelock was and how scraggily his tail had been since I'd moved him to pasture 24/7.

I cried for a while as I held these things in my hands. I miss him.
I am trying to think of the good memories, but it hurts because we can't have more, so I jokingly thought that maybe I should think of the bad things, like when he kicked my leg, or when he smashed my head into the trailer, or how much money he cost me! But all of those things led to happy memories. After he kicked me I stood outside his stall with my fingers hanging inside his stall, and he started nuzzling them as if to say 'sorry'. I rode him a few minutes later and it was like he was still apologizing because he realzied that the ground poles in the arena were not infact snakes and were quite fun. It ended up being one of our best rides at the time.
He was my heart horse but he taught me as much as he could. When there was nothing else to teach me it was his time to leave. I am trying to realize that. He was a great intro into Thoroughbred ownership and he got me addicted to the breed. I saw the kind of heart and personality they can have. The fact that they love work, and they love their person. They can dominate in the show ring, and kick butt on the trail. They have a history and have seen things that most people never will and are decended from great legends. Thank you Piney for making me realize how awesome Thoroughbreds are. I can't wait to be found by another like you and have him teach me more valuable lessons.

6 comments:

  1. this post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:
    “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt

    I'm amazed at your strength. It's a great sign that you've reached the stage in your grieving that you could finally face these special items. Are you going to have something made with the tail?

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    1. Love that quote.

      I am planning on having a bracelet made. My mom learned how to do it so she told me she would make me one. We also talked about burying what is left after I made a braclet or two since I chose not to have his ashes returned to me. That way I will always know where part of him is.

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  2. I threw Red's medium weight on Bobby this afternoon and as I was adjusting it, I saw Red's name scribbled on the inside tag and immediately starting crying in the middle of the barn. It never gets any easier, does it?

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    1. That exact same thing happened to me this fall. I didn't even realize that Piney's name was written on my medium weight blanket until I was adjusting it for Pistol.
      I wish it could just get easier. Yellows death was really, really hard on me, but I think Piney's has been 10 times worse. I don't even know why. I really think that even thought I loved Yellow, Piney was my real first heart horse. I'm just glad I have people out there that know what I'm going through...

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  3. That must have been so hard for you, but I'm glad you did it. :)

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  4. He was and always will be, one in a million. I still find it hard to believe he is gone. I am glad you are having something made from his hair, I think that is really neat.

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