feelings of inadequacy.

I’ve finally come to the realization that winter is gone…it is finally gone. I put the winter blankets away last weekend.  So with that I have decided it’s time to cowboy up and start riding. Obviously though the weather isn’t cooperating. It looks like rain and thunderstorms for the rest of the week. Of course.

I want to ride George so bad, but there is that nagging fear in the back of my head that is telling me that I should maybe have someone come ride him first. Just to see what I am dealing with. The horse can be the biggest sweetheart, but then turn around and be a big sass monster. I’m told that he’s always been like that. Once he trusts you completely  he is your best buddy and will go to the end of the earth for you…but it takes time for him to get there. We are still in the process of him getting there. The moment I get to the pasture he comes right up to say hello, and check if I have anything of interest to him. He isn’t a big fan of being fussed over. Unlike Piney, he adored being fussed over. Duke and Pistol love it too. In fact If I am grooming one horse in the pasture, Duke will come up and demand that you groom him too.

A part of my brain is telling me to just man up and saddle. But I can’t seem to do it for whatever reason. I’ve been fighting huge inadequacy feeling about him for the last week.  Part of me wants to just contact Herringswell Stables and let them know that they should come find him a new home. They’ve let me know that if for whatever reason I can’t keep him that they will come and get him. It even says on his JC papers to contact them if he ever needs a home. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I don’t have a ton of horse friends that live close by that can just swing out and help me. So here I sit with a horse I’m in love with, but am too chicken to ride. He’s got all the makings to be my dream horse and I feel like I’m failing him. On his training barn’s website they have a whole page of Alumni horses from their barn doing all kinds of awesome things. Jumping big fences, going on fox hunts, eventing, etc. Then there is me I don’t do any of those things. I want to, don’t get me wrong I really want to. But it’s pretty hard to do it by myself. I know tons of you are doing just that though. It’s times like this that make me hate not being at a boarding barn. Where I have access to lessons and trainers, and horse friends and most importantly an arena. I don’t want this horse to go to waste, so I almost feel as if he’d be better off with a different home.

I’m being a sad sack. I can do this. I am a good rider. I have all the necessary equipment (well other than an arena). I have the knowledge. It’s easier to write those things than to actually go out and live them.

I’m thinking about adjusting my Wintec to fit Pistol tonight. For all I know he’s never been ridden English. But I want to start riding and feel that I will just try him out and see what happens. In the past I’ve never had any problems with a horse switching over. Does any horse have problems switching saddles? I’ve heard people say “my horse only rides western” or “my horse only rides English”. Every horse I’ve ridden I’ve always been able to use both. I always feel as if the horse enjoys my English saddles better because it’s less weight and I always feel as if I have more contact with my horse and not so much leather in between us.  I think it would be fun to show Pistol this year. He’s pretty easy going, and he loads better than the other two beasts. Obviously one of the reasons we bought him was because of how calm he was in the auction ring especially with all the commotion going on around him. It didn’t eve phase him…he might have been drugged…but every time I’ve ridden him he’s been a pretty mellow dude, even after having 6 months off. I figure I will start warming up my riding muscles by riding him a few times a week if I can find the time and then work my way up to the “Porsche” aka George. I still want someone else to come try him out first though...does that make me less of a rider? Probably.