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| Wizard and my friend. It was her first time riding a horse. |
This last year has been a challenging one with Wizard. He’s been sick. A lot. He’s had ulcer after ulcer. And he’s been colicing a lot. His owner has had him in and out of the vet at least once a month all spring and summer. Each trip costing at least $1000. Last night I rode and when I was putting my monster back in his stall, I noticed Wizard was laying down so I went and got my instructor(wizards’s owner) and we got him up. (She said that he was in pain. She went into a lot more detail but I just can’t remember what she said.) When I left she was walking him in the arena. And he seemed happy. But then I got that text today. They are sending him home with drugs to keep him comfortable, but I think that the vet will be called to put him to sleep.
Its something we all face as horse owners. When is the right time to put them to sleep and say goodbye. Wizard has been so sick for so long that it just seems like the right time. Last winter a friend at the barn faced a similar decision, her horse was diagnosed with EPM and they had been treating him but it never got better, and he only continued to spiral downwards. She had invested all her savings into saving him, but nothing could be done.
I want to go out there and say good bye, but at the same time I don’t want to go. I love that little white horse but seeing him will just tear me apart. Am I a bad person for not wanting to go out there? I dunno. I suck at good byes. I never got to say good bye to my first horse Yellow. I missed it and it kills me. But at the same time I knew being there would have made me feel worse. I dunno what to do…
I understand. There have been some horses that I wished I had not seen them go because I did not want to remember them that way, but yet it also felt right because I could let them know that someone is still there caring for them, especially with the rescue horses that could not be saved. I was always told by the vet not to get overly emotional while the horse was still alive, because it only makes it worse for the baby. That does make sense. But each time it was excruciatingly hard to keep my chin up for the horse as he passed. But even as I cried, I knew that they were far happier now in their endless field of grass with no pain or inhibitions. But I still have that memory as the last one of that horse, and that's not always how I like to remember them. I am so sorry to hear about Wiz. It's never easy.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear about Wiz too. It's heart breaking to say goodbye. I am the type that likes to be there...so they know someone is there and that they are loved. Sometimes I think it is easier for them to let go when they aren't alone. But everyone is different. We all handle things differently and do not feel bad if you are not there. Go with your gut feeling and you will be fine. No way is the easy way out. :( thoughts and prayers your way.
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