Thursday, October 27, 2011

Old Pictures...

I found an old picture the other day and it got me thinking...What I wouldn't give to go back to this day. It was a 4th of July parade back in 2006. Even thought I smiled for the picture I was not a happy camper all day. Firstly I arrived here to see that somone, who was totally meaning well, chopped off Yellow's tail to his hocks, they had also put something in his mane that made it super greasy and mixed with the dirt in his forelock it was a greasy mess. I remember being so paniced about his mane was also so thin and whispy from being rubbed away I roached it off 5 minutes before we had to head up to the parade.
Heading up to the start of the parade he was a dream to ride. but when we got to the start of the parade we were headed back "home" and he slowly started to come undone. I had to hold him back and keep him from prancing all the way home. He didn't spook at anything thought which was great, especially since there were clowns, and kids and candy being thrown everywhere. The parade ended right by a big open field across from where we were staying. The people I was riding with were inexperienced horse people and just let their horses gallop for home. I on the other hand didn't allow that sort of behavior. He fought me to the point where I gave up and hopped off. I'd rather lead him home than have an ongoing fight. So that's what  I did. We walked home as I swore at him under my breath the entire way home.
This picture was taken right as we got back "home" I was hot sweaty and tired with the promise of a nice cold beer (acutally more like 10!) at the lakes when I got done. I untacked the monster and and cooled him off before I loaded him in the trailer and sent him home with my boss at the time. Then raced to the lakes to enjoy my beers.
I want that day back. I want to do things differently. First and foremost I want to go back and have that body back!! Holy Moly! I didn't realize I was  that tiny! haha. But I want to go back and enjoy every moment of that ride, the good AND the bad. I want to take the knowledge I have about riding now and apply it to my ride that day. The rider I am today wouldn't hop off and walk home. I'd work on not rushing home. I've come so far in my confidence in the saddle too that I would have been able to better handle the ride.
 I also would have ignored all the calls and texts from my then boyfriend and his friends telling me to hurry up and get to the lakes. Because I would later in life find out that the boyfriend was a complete d-bag that would fall out of love with me when I stoped being as thin as I was in this picture. I would have spent as much time as possible just being with my horse and not taking Yellow for granted thinking he would always be there for me. Had I known that 2 years later he would be taken from me forever I maybe would have done things differently.

I only have a handful of pictures of Yellow. I think i only have 3 of me actually riding. I hate that...I hate that he is gone forever and that I will never forgive myself for taking him for granted. If I could go back things would have been different but I wouldn't be where I am today...

At my old barn

On the driveway at my old barn.

Big Sky, Montana


  1. When I was in college I lost a dear friend to an untimely death. I felt lost and isolated for a long time, and it was right around the the time I discovered photography (which I would later switch as my major and career)...anyway, I found a book around that time that had a quote by the photographer referencing her sister (whom she had just lost) and why she took photos in the first place. She simply said:

    "I don't ever want to be susceptible to anyone else's version of my history. I don't ever want to lose the real memory of anyone ever again".

    This thought has resonated with my since then and was a great influence on why I started taking photos in the first place. As you start to lose memories, you realize that you can't recall any of those tactile things that make the memory special...the sound of someone's voice, the way the air smelled that day, the way your horses' nose's important to try to capture them any way we know how.