depression...

I’ve really been slacking on my posting. And heres the reason. I’ve been dealing with some depression issues that have kept me from almost everything I enjoy. I no longer enjoyed something I LOVE…Horses. It got to the point where I had Piney’s for sale ad written up and ready to be posted online. I decided it was time to get some help and that’s what I plan to do.


Its not something recent, it’s something I’ve been dealing with for a really long time. I’ve become so good at hiding it that I forgot what happy feels like. Horses were becoming a burden on me. I looked at them and they made me angry. Not angry enough to cause harm to them but I was angry because I was devoting so much time, money and effort into them and felt as though I wasn’t getting anything back. I don’t have time to ride so why am I killing myself over them?

Then I rode my horse and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt good inside. The barn owner/my riding instructor (she’s guiding me to people she knows who can help me deal with my depression) knew what was going on and encouraged me to just go for a quick ride last week. I tried to pull out an excuse. “I have to finish chores” I said. So She said “T will finish them for you! Go get your horse!” (T is teenaged helper at the barn). Then I said “I STILL haven’t changed my gullet in my saddle and he’s gotten fatter” so My riding instructor said “ride bareback”. And ride bareback I did. He did awesome and I felt good for the first time in a long time. Piney was great, a little lazy, but great. I love that when I’m up there I feel like he is taking care of me. Everything I’m worried about just goes down the drain and all I can think about is how awesome he is and how lucky I am to have found him. Even though he really did find me.

I rode for about 20 minutes, we did a lot of trotting. He is smooth and floaty. My riding instructor can’t believe how good he looks even when he is being lazy. She says that even when he is doing a slow “dog” trot he is over tracking more than any horse in the barn. I love his trot, I love that he doesn’t try to go faster than I ask him and I never have to pull him down and then fight to keep him at a slower pace. He’s just a good boy. And he is the best horse I could have ever asked for. I’m really glad I didn’t pull the trigger and post his ad. Not like horses are selling like crazy right now, but with my luck he would have been sold and gone.

I’m glad i’m going to start getting help and fixing myself…I've felt crappy for so long.