don't want to jinx it but...

I have been in contact with the ranch where Piney came from...

For those of you who haven't been following the entire time, Piney my first OTTB, came from a ranch in western North Dakota for retired race horses. The ranch has about 4,000 acres of pasture and when horses are retired for whatever reason they are sent out to be horses for a year before they can be adopted. An equine dentist and track vet has been taking the retired horses from the track out to his ranch for the last 20 years. If the horses for whatever reason aren't adopted they can stay forever. It's just such a nice place for retired horses because there is plenty of kindness for them. And that year off just really does wonders for racehorses.

Anyways I have contacted the ranch's facebook page and had asked if they had any gray geldings that were available for adoption. They wrote me back saying that they had one that the owner of the ranch thought might be a good match for me. I asked a few more questions but the person running the fb page couldn't answer them so she had me call the owner of the ranch.

I contacted him and asked a few questions. He remembered me and Piney which was why he thought the gelding would be a good match for me. He said that the horse was just a really nice horse, with a nice personality, has never been lame a day in his life, and was just a nice all around horse.

So thought about it, and then let them know to hold the horse for me. Sooooooo that's where I am sitting.

We are working on pinning down a time to bring him home to me.

I am excited.

I am terrified.

I just have a lot of feelings right now...LOL.

Equestrian fashion question.

So once upon a time a was a bit of a fashionista. I knew what to wear for every occasion and I stayed current with the trends. I was even going to school for fashion marketing and management. Well then I moved to a farm and forgot everything I ever knew about what to wear. As far as what to wear on horseback it's always been to wear what is comfortable as I've never really been in the show ring.
My question is what is fashionable in the show ring? For the dressage schooling shows at my last barn we could wear either a plain polo, clean breeches in whatever color we had, tall boots or paddock boots and half chaps OR we could wear a black show coat, stock tie, white breeches, and tall boots if we had them. The first show I wore a black polo and my slightly off white breeches (that are apparently magic breeches because I bought them when I lived in Sweden over 13 years ago and they still fit even though I am NOT the same size!). The second show I had been given a full show ensemble and wore that. If I were to show dressage again I would wear that obviously. But what is fashionable when you aren't showing dressage?
I was going through my show clothes the other day and found a fabulous light grey with pink piping show coat by Equine Couture that I am I love with. When on earth would I wear it? I'm sure it's not even fashionable anymore, but it sure is pretty... Can I wear it when showing a walk trot class? For jumping classes? What are people wearing these days? Are dark colors like black and navy blue more fashionable than lighter colors? Obviously I am putting the cart way before the horse here as I don't even know if I am gonna show or have a horse I can show...I'm just sort of wondering what to wear IF I do make it to the show ring this year...

enter sadness.

Okay so that is a pretty EMO title. I'm doing better than I thought.
My best friend posted a picture on my facebook and instantly tears started streaming. But I quickly dried them up because I was at work and no one wants to deal with me like that!

Here is the culprit.

ps. I edited this picture. In the one she posted. I looked like an albino.

 

That sweet, sweet boy.

 

As a photographer I am behind the lens more than I am infront of it. There actually aren't that many pictures of us together, which makes me really, really sad. But it seems that all of the pictures we do have together. He is doing this to me. His nose was usually glued to my face. (damnit here come the tears again!!) I remember the first time he nuzzled me like that. But sadly I don't remember the last time he did.

When I lost Yellow, and got Piney I made a promise to myself that I would have more pictures of me and my horse taken. But it was one of those things that I kept saying "oh we will do it tomorrow" "Hmm I look weird today, maybe lets take pictures next week". Putting it off, and putting it off until it was too late. And now I no longer have any photography opportunities.

 

I miss that nose.

 

 

Who needs spring?

Apparently not us.

the never ending winter.

These are photos I took today, April 12th. Spring time in the Red River Valley.

We will never have spring. So if you are having a beautiful spring consider how lucky you are.

exhausted.

I am back at home again. I got home last night and was completely exhausted. I still am completely exhausted. I’m kind of walking around like a zombie.

The good news is that my little brother will be moving out of the ICU. When we went to visit him yesterday the nurses had him sitting up and he was watching The Price is Right. We were chatting with him and he is able to remember some things but he still has no idea what happened to lead up to him seizing. It’s terrifying to think what would have happened if he didn’t have home care come and check on him. He is still scared and confused though, as he should be. I can’t even imagine waking up in the ICU with tubes coming out from all over my body after losing TWO DAYS from being unconscious.  My mom asked him if he wanted to go home and he said no over and over again. We figure he is scared of my parents town house because there are so many stairs. My parents had been trying to find him an assisted living home but he wasn’t qualified for any that they had looked in to. Maybe now, since things have changed they will be able to find him something where he can receive care 24/7. The next few weeks will be challenging. The doctors are going to be running tests and try to find out if there is permanent damage. After seizing on and off for 48 hours I can’t imagine there isn’t any damage. More than likely he will be in the hospital for the next six weeks.

Multiple Sclerosis is a terrifying disease.  My brother is 28. He graduated with honors from University.  While not the case for all people with multiple sclerosis, his independence has been robbed. He can no longer live on his own (and hasn’t for a few years), and he can’t work. His balance is impaired and more than once he has fallen down and hurt himself. He’s been through chemo and he spends a big chunk of his week going in to see specialists at the hospital. It’s been heartbreaking to watch how it has progressed. And this last weekend was the absolute worst. It was worse than any of my nightmares. Doctors are still trying to figure out why he is the way he is. One of my best friends from high school has MS but you’d never know. She is an accountant and works for my dad. It just varies for everyone.

So thank you for those of you who said a prayer for my family. Although I’ve never met any of ya’ll It does mean a lot to me.

On a little side note that is actually horse related. I wanted to do some retail therapy on Monday and knew that there is a great tack shop in Winnipeg. My dad took me there and obviously this is not his type of store, but suprisingly enough, he knew exactly how to get there. I had told him that I needed a new helmet since mine is about 5 years old and it’s time to be replaced. He liked that I was wanting to protect my head, especially with my history of concussions.  I had my eye on the Tipperary Sportage 8500 for awhile, so I tried it on in the store, and I liked the fit. I also feel like it covers a bit more of my head than my old Troxel did. I then tried on the Tipperary Adult Ride-Lite. I have a couple protective vests but I was never sure if they fit right. So the girls at the store helped me fit this one and showed me how they were supposed to fit. I took it off and put it back on the hanger and my dad asked why I did that. I said I was going to think about it. He then told me that he would buy it for me because he'd rather me be safe when I ride. Dad's are always looking out for their little girls even when they are all grown up. If I knew he was going to pick up the tab I maybe would have gone for the more expensive vest...I'm kidding!! But he scooted me out of that store pretty quickly. He knows me too well...

life is hard sometimes.

I am currently sitting at the kitchen table at my parents house in my 'home and native land'. (Canada) I got a message yesterday from my mother that instantly made my heart break and brought me to tears.

"just a quick note. We got a call from J. and he found Chris laying on the floor at the condo seizuring. They took him by ambulance to the hospital. I am just about to board a plane for Winnipeg and dad and buddy are driving down. I will keep in touch. Mom"

A little back story: my little brother is Chris. He is two years younger than me and he has Multiple Sclerosis and numerous other medical conditions. He is unable to work because of the severity of his ms. He is also unable to live on his own. With healthcare costing what it does in America and his in ability to take care if himself my parents decided it was best for him to move back in with them in Canada. This way he could receive free health care and they could help him out.
J. Is my brothers home care helper. Originally everyone thought that maybe with help he could re learn some basic tasks that you an I take for granted. Things like going to the store, remembering to brush your teeth, riding the bus. J. Comes and visits with my little brother twice a day. My parents happened to be back in the town I grew up in and we are all so very thankful for J. He had called my little brother to check on him and when he didn't answer he decided to swing over. He found my little brother seizing on the floor by the front door. No idea how Lon he had been there. He called an ambulance and they rushed him in. My mom caught the first flight home on a tiny little puddle jumper ( I grew up in Northern Manitoba) and then got to the hospital as soon as she could. My dad drove the 6 hours down to Winnipeg with the dog through icy crappy conditions. I got to Winnipeg this morning with my older brother.
As I sit here its been over 30 hours and my little brother still hasn't woken up. Doctors aren't sure exactly why he hasn't woken up. He looks like he is trying to open his eyes but he just can't seem to. He is in the intensive care unit at the Health Science Center. The same hospital we spent hours upon hours in when I was a child for his medical procedures he had back then. None of them were nearly a serious as this. Seeing your baby brother in a bed with tubes coming out from all over his body is heartbreaking. Seeing all those monitors they are hooked up to those tubes that are real and not something you see on tv is just a weird feeling I can't even explain. When going in to see him we had to dress in paper gowns, gloves, masks, and googles.
We talked to him and my mom held his hand. When we said certain things he would squeeze her hand. And when I said his favorite quote from Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols he squeezed my moms hand tighter, opened his eye for a split second, and then raised his other hand, the way he did when you were telling a story and e wanted to add something to it. I wish the doctor would play some of his favorite music and see what would happen. I mean it couldn't hurt and they are trying everything else. He really is getting top notch care.
When my other brother and I were waiting outside his room we were dealing with the pain the best way we knew how. With humor. We talked about how if we saw just one person rolled in with a zombie bite on the neck we were out of there.

So that's all I have right now. I am exhausted. And know we have a long, long road ahead. So please keep us in your prayers if you are the praying type.